Silver Bells

Note: Discovered during routine morning coffee and celebrity news crawl: the following report of a pair of holiday notables tying the knot.

ROVANIEMI, Finland, Dec 18 — In one of the most glamorous and star-studded gatherings ever seen above the Arctic Circle,  Frosty Snowman and Rudolf “Red Nose” Reindeer were wed here yesterday. While wind and snow swirled outside, all was calm and bright inside Our Lady of the Tundra cathedral, where Frosty and Rudolf took their vows.
 
The wedding party and guest list consisted of a true Who’s Who of the seasonal celebrities.. Serving as Frosty’s best man was his cousin Abominable Snowman (who, despite his ferocious reputation was a total lamb and looking sharp in a pair of red patent leather mittens). Rudolf, who identifies as non-binary, had as their best persons Donder and Blitzen, described as close friends from work.

Serving as ushers were the Ghost of Christmas Past, three Kings, and several shepherds. Tiny Tim Cratchit ably performed the office of ring bearer. Music was provided by the group Herald Angels. Rudolf was given away by an aged couple, identified as a Mr. and Mrs. Kris Kringle. Presiding over the ceremony was Parson Brown, a local clergyperson. After the nuptials, coffee and pumpkin pie were passed around.  A light show for the ages was provided by Aurora Borealis Productions.

Frosty was resplendent in white tie, old top hat, and trademark raggedy scarf — eyes of coal coyly shaded by a pair of dope Ray Bans. He carried his customary broom.  Rudolf wore a harness of fine Siberian leather festooned with silver bells, nose powdered to keep the glare down and antlers draped in tinsel. 

 Among those present were many of the couple’s friends and colleagues. Notably, Charlie Brown, the Chipmunks, a notably upbeat Ebenezer Scrooge, Bing Crosby, Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy (an item in their own right, we hear!). In addition to a respectable showing of sugar plum fairies, the Grinch (once accused of stealing Christmas but later exonerated) Jimmy Stewart, Walt Disney and a youngster who claims to have seen his mommy kissing Santa Claus were also sighted. Merry gentlemen rested. Baby, it was cold outside. 
 
The couple plans to honeymoon in a cold storage unit in Honolulu before resuming their respective careers in the Yuletide entertainment biz.  Though they could live very comfortably on nothing but residuals at this point, they look forward to decades of kitschy holiday fun together. 
We can only wish them — and you, Dear Reader — something of the same.